The Phone Girl

Oral sex noises....

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 04:05:19 GMT

Had another one today. All he wanted was to listen to me "suck cock". Now, here's the thing. That's cool. You want to hear slurpy sounds for five minutes, that's cool. I'm just wondering where the appeal is. You gotta know I'm not sucking actual cock. I mean, you' gotta know I'm sucking my fingers or a cock.

I'm just curious .... this is a question to all you cock owners.

In an ideal good blow job, getting one in real life I mean, what percentage of your pleasure comes from the sensation, what percentage from the visual of looking down at me sucking your cock, and what percentage from the slurpy sounds?

New deal from Niteflirt

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 03:45:22 GMT

If you've been wanting to give me a call, but have been dubious about spending money at niteflirt... well, suck it the fuck up is the first thing I want to say.

The site's a pretty good deal, and you can't get quality for nothing. :) On the other hand, you probably want to try out the system first, and see how it works. I understand that. That's why they have this new sample deal, where you get 10 minutes for $1.99. I figured I'd give you guys a heads up. Just click the banner below and sign up.

Yeah, you have to put in your credit card info, but what do you expect, honestly? You need to prove that you're not a total freeloader. :) I've been using the service for going on 4 years now, so no, they're not going to run off with your info and sell it to some russian porn syndicate. :) Don't you worry.

Anyway, if you're interested, (and I can't imagine you aren't), click the banner below and give them a try.

And after you've signed up, check out my page at http://www.niteflirt.com/thephonegirl

common sense

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 19:18:35 GMT

Dude, if you're going to call a phone sex chick, use a land line. Seriously, unless you know your reception is good on your cell. There's nothing more annoying than getting half way into a good call and having to be like, "Hello? Hello? Are you there?" and having to repeat your dirty instructions 3 times. Sigh. Oh well.

It's been a relatively busy weekend, after a quiet couple of weeks. A couple of my regulars (hi boys, you know who you are) have started calling me again, and it's been nice to catch up on their latest escapades.

Contrary to popular belief,

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 16:24:56 GMT

I am not dead yet. :) Just. . . busy. I should be logging on this weekend, though. I've heard NF has been having some trouble. I'll just have to cross my fingers that they get their act together before then. Otherwise, I miss our chats, and I'll be talking with some of you soon.

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 05:21:12 GMT

Tonight:

South Park = priceless priceless priceless. Especially the woodland creature's satanic blood orgy. And when the mountain lion cubs learned about abortions. The twist ending = ... well... I <3 cartman so much. and I <3 this show even more.

Drawn Together = interesting, but still doesn't grab me. But some interesting shit.

Daily Show = I <3 John Stewart, especially when he's got the sniffles. And billy conolly was definitely high. Funny as hell, though.

Biz = Very busy. Many a call. To the gentleman from Texas, my favorite flower is yellow calla lilies.

Porn = Something I've been watching quite a bit. Stay tuned for more details. My latest obsession = Nautica Thorne.

Though, David Letterman is still my daddy.

And Adam Sandler. He seems like he'd be lots of fun in bed. How old is he? (Quick, http://IMDB.com check.)

And I love the new CNN.com commercials w/ anchors giving news to stupid people. I like Christian Amanpour schooling some chick on how to pronounce Iraq. It's just one of her bugaboos.

And Adam sandler is about to sing "Werewolves of london". Not sure how I feel about this. We'll have to see.

ETA: Update - He aint that bad. I forget what a nice voice Adam Sandler has.

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 05:40:19 GMT

Weather guy used the term "holmes"... or "Homes" again. And he's Mr. Super anchor hair white guy. You know how I feel about that.

10/23 SNL w/ Jude Law

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 04:05:20 GMT

MMMMMMM. Jude.

Plus, one of the funniest thing I've seen on TV in a while. The intro crossfire take-off was hilarious, but Jude Law's musical number during his monologue, with all the chicks was priceless. I haven't been that entertained by sketch comedy in a while, and haven't laughed til I couldn't breathe in a long time.

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 23:50:32 GMT

I've been distracted. I'm back.

Don't you just love Fall weather?

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 21:19:09 GMT

I love lycra.

Trends

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 21:00:02 GMT

When I pay attention (which isn't that often) I notice certain trends in the calls I receive. Sometimes it's a run on a topic: 5 feminization calls in a row, or 3 extra long cuckold chats in a day. Other times it's the time of day, giving me bursts of activity on consecutive happy hours or several days of nothing till 1am.

Most recently, however, it's been location. In the past week I've had no less than 8 men calling me from work. More surprising than that has been the 3 who said they weren't alone when they were calling. This lead to an amusing game of twenty questions.

Only one said that he actually came, and I sometimes doubt the veracity of my gentlemen callers. However, I do get a kick out of some desk jockey trying to hide his boner as he makes his way to a bathroom stall for a quick post chat wank.

No long calls lately. I kind of miss that, and of the 5 or so regular long call guys I remember, I have heard from none in the last month. I am curious about a few of them, but I suppose they'll surface eventually.

Meanwhile, I'll just bide my time till mid-september, which is when this shit always picks up. :) Later, cats and kittens.

Grill Lessons -- Part 1

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 01:41:07 GMT

1. Make sure to wash olive oil off your hands before you pick up the phone to talk to your latest hornball.

2. If something isn't wider, thicker and taller than the space between the grates, it will try its damdest to fall between the grates.

3. A mixture of match light and regular charcoal can work, if you're willing to be patient.

4. Be willing to be patient.

And in phone girl news, I still haven't found my cam yet. :( Sorry.

Swinger States

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 18:25:56 GMT

In honor of Fuck the Vote, a truly awesome idea, I'm extending the following offer for the remainder of the election season.

Click HERE to join Niteflirt, if you're not already a member, or sign in if you are, then send me a mail (screenname thephonegirl) stating the following.

"I am a United States citizen, eligible and registered to vote in the 2004 presidential election, and I pledge to vote for someone other than George W. Bush on this upcoming election day."

I will, in return, send you 5 free minutes. Along w/ Niteflirt's free $5 toward your first call with me, you'll have plenty of time to get off... Do it for your dick, do it for your country... just do it. :)

Back in the saddle

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 19:08:32 GMT

After a 5 day hiatus, I went back on the phones last night. Strange experience, talking shit in a new setting. I mean, I've now been on Keen/Niteflirt for over 3 years, and have taken calls in... let's see... 4 homes now.

I'd been debating whether or not to try Keen for about 6 months before I actually took the plunge. In the first home, would pace the kitchen while talking with the occasional caller. Traffic was sparse, at least for a newbie like myself. Back then I would get nervous every time the phone rung.

The second home is where the majority of my photos come from. Posing in front of the window, jumping onto my bed and trying to arrange my body before the 10 second timer clicked. They took forever, and the camera I used has long since died. That's really the place where I became more comfortable with the variety of calls that were flung my way.

This last place was where I started camming, tentatively at first, and with more ease lately. Between jobs the phone became, at times, a primary source of income. Most all the calls were taken on my bed, as my portable phone had inexplicable issues w/ the 10 or so yards between my living room and bedroom. Issues that involved lowering the volume of these boys to inaudible levels.

And when you're sneaking a wank down in the living room while the wive sleeps upstairs. . . "Speak up" isn't a doable request.

And now I'm here. No apartments on the other side of my walls, thankfully, so I won't need to worry about alienating my new neighbors. The couch has become the designated call taking spot, which is fine by me, but the bastard thing is way too comfortable. It's awfully hard to get back up and continue whatever task I stopped to take the call when I've been stretched out on that comfyness for 4/17/72 minutes. :)

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 17:36:16 GMT

Swimmers=yummy.
Olympic swimmers=very yummy.
Michael Phelps in an extremely low cut swimsuit=ghhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. [drool drool]

Boxes Boxes Boxes.

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 15:34:55 GMT

Moving is a strain on, as Oprah would say, mind, body, and spirit. The body bit is obvious, especially if walk-ups are involved. Dear lord, if I ever choose to move into a walk-up again, feel free to smite me. My ass hasn't been this sore since me and size 15 feet boyfriend tried anal. However, the bright side includes me not needing to see the inside of a gym this week.

The mind bit is equally tough, at times. There comes a point at the old place where you start to go, "I need an XXXXXX. I'll just go get the. . . oh shit. The XXXXXX is in a fucking box. One of these boxes. Oh. Great. I'll just use my fingernails." Then, at the new place you've got the even more daunting task of moving, unpacking enough boxes to find what you want while clearing enough space to put the furniture. Daunting because the stuff needs to go on various furniture. Furnituii. Is furniture one of those "moose" words? Where oh where is the can opener/phone/alarm clock because, you know, it would have made a tiny bit of sense to put those on the TOP of some box. Marked box. Damnit.

Spiritually, it's just tiring as well. The high of actually getting the big ass beasts of furniture up the stairs and into the new abode wears off and you're left with fourthousandbazillion boxes and no discernible plan for placement.

All of which is code for, "I won't be doing phone until at least this evening by which point the phone guy damn well better have arrived." I'm looking forward to my first dirty call in a new house. Be good, and those of you who aren't moving at the moment, be grateful.

"I am a gay American"

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 06:11:59 GMT

Expecting to see it on a t-shirt in the Village in 3... 2... 1...

:)

I hope you guys in Florida and the rest of the south aren't battered too hard about the 2 frickin' hurricanes headid through your yard. Also, to those of you under a rock... regarding the NJ governor, wow. I'm sure more will come out in the meantime, but I for one am always happy when any lead news story contains actual or implied blow-jobs.

I'm thinking the last time was the Clinton year.

Anyone who thinks otherwise, please feel free to mention it on your call.

For you tickle fetish fans. . .

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 15:13:59 GMT

Why you can't tickle yourself

5 things to keep in mind when calling a phone sex operator

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 17:47:37 GMT

1. I'm sure you're very charming and normal in "real life", but I'm not going to meet you. I'm sure somewhere, someone has met her callers, but getting pissy at me for a non-commital (read negative) response to your suggestion that we "meet next week to actually suck off 7 or 8 black men at a hotel" is just. . . well, makes me think you've got reasons besides boredom to be calling me.

2. If you're wanting me to moan/scream/yell my cries of passion louder, and you've asked twice, and I'm not getting any louder. . . I'm not getting louder. I've got neighbors, you twit.

3. No, I'm not going to go find a guy in my building to suck off right now on the phone for you. We can pretend, but if you're expecting to hear his voice while I suck him (read a dildo) off, um. . . well. . . I think the term twit applies again.

4. If your name is John, Dave, Steve or Mike, please don't expect me to remember which John, Dave, Steve, or Mike you are. A good 60 percent of all my callers "happen" to have that name, so, be more specific. Answering the question "What did we talk about last time?" with something like, "You sucked my cock" doesn't do a hell of a lot more to distinguish you.

5. If you want to chat, let me know. If you want to talk about me fucking a brazilian tranny up the ass with a blue strap on while you bounce up and down on her dick while eating your own cum, tell me that too. If you don't want "phone sex", but do want to just chat about porn or politics, let me know. As I've said before, you called the adult section, not the psychic section.

All these rants are from twits from the last week. Had a lot of good calls too, though. :)

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 19:17:16 GMT

Just settled in for a nice long afternoon/evening of talking to callers, and boy is my ass tired. :) Not for dirty reasons (unfortunately), but just because of a strenuous work-out over the weekend. However, I'm definitely ready to hear from any and all callers. Just no squats or lunges, 'kay?

So, if you're around, you should give me a ring. :)

Totally mundane, non sexy post

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 22:34:50 GMT

You know the state of US education is fucking sad when you're sitting at a local bar, chilling on your computer, listing to a nearby table of yuppies and the topic of Farenheit 9/11 comes up, there's a 10 minute heated discussion during which I glean that only 2 of the five have seen the film. All have opinions, of course, but that's not the sad part.

The sad part is that only two (one of the movie watchers, one other) actually knows the Bradbury novel from which Moore gacked the title of his lil record breaking movie.

"No, 451 is the tempurature that books burn at."

"You're wrong. Everything burns at 212."

Sigh. Honey, that's water. And speaking of water, you MUST get the new glad press'n'seal wrap. Seriously. Next time you're in the supermarket, just check it's out. It's fucking creepy how well it works. According to the Press 'n Seal Website, it's based on chewing gum technology. . . but dude, it's cool. Trust me. If you've EVER had fun in your kitchen, you'll understand. If not, then just skip to the next paragraph.

Regarding the lovely world of Niteflirt/Keen/Ingenio, they're all down and shit this afternoon. First of all, I'm eternally grateful to the individuals who created Keen and its children. The modes of expression and entertainment and, of course, income they've provided me over the last 3 years have been invaluable. I have occasional complaints, of course, but by and large, they've given me an opportunity to tell dirty, kinky stories from the comfort of my home.

But lately, they've had some connection issues. This is more of shout out to my callers than anything else, but you should know that in the last 2 weeks a full 25% of all calls to my house that listed Niteflirt's number on my caller ID have been dropped calls, i.e. dead air when I pick up the phone. And then within those calls that actually get connected, I've gotten more than half a dozen disconnections where I didn't hang up and the caller swears (upon re-call) that they didn't hang up.

So, just so you boys know, I'll be on tonight, to the best of my ability, and hopefully, I'll hear from a few of you. :)

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 04:35:13 GMT

10 Dumbest Moments in Sci Fic Movies - Sometimes, being a fan is tough, you know?

A note to the geniuses

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 19:48:19 GMT

Well, I've had to make my comments screened because too many people were being, um, clever and using it for comments.

Genius type #1: Posting username/passwords for a paysite I recommend. Yes, genius, that is stealing, not sharing. I don't condone it, and I'm not about to let you rip off the nice people who make all the pretty porn.

Genius type #2: Posting spamalicious links to your paysite, buried in comments on older entries, thinking I won't notice. While I'm flattered that you think I have enough traffic and PR to help your endevour, you can either contact me re: a link trade, or suggest a site that's actually related to this one. 4 attempts to link to a pre-legal Nabokovian site are not only creepy, they're likely to get me in trouble. So don't waste your time. I'm just going to delete those entries.

Re: my phone sex adventures? Not too many of them, lately. I've been busy at my "real" job, and unavailable for the usual erotic creativity. I'll be trying to get back to it later this week.

Plus, it's been way, way too fricking nice outside to consider staying holed up. Must figure out a way to take calls outside. :)

Porn by mail?

Tue, 25 May 2004 21:30:44 GMT

You may be wondering how I watch so much porn. Well, if you don't read back over my older, archived entries, you might not wonder. That's because I haven't made any porn commentary in a while. That's because my SugarDVD account is on hold. That, dear friends is because I am broke.

B.
R.
O.
K.
E.

Not sexy, but true. On the sexy side, I got my first ass fucking in almost 2 months last weekend. And wow, yeah. I need to practice that skill a bit. I need to clue you lovely gentlemen about an alarming . . . fantasy I've been noticing on the phone.

Now, while we're in fantasy land, the following is okay. Hell, in the Anal Movies you might find at SugarDVD it's not a problem. But that, dear friends, is because the prep quite a bit behind the scenes, use slick but virtually invisible lube and, did I mention warming up?

The alarming fantasy is that of shoving the cock in immediately.

Oh yeah, baby. I just spread those haunches and you take your (inevitably) massive cock and shove it in to the balls.

I tend to wonder, have ya ever put your cock in a real girl's butt?

Okay, okay, I know, it's fantasy land, and time is at a ($1.69 a minute) premium, but I always wince a bit at the "shove that shit in there" motif.

I'm predisposed to be more open to anal sex. I've done it a number of times, I've had a number of enjoyable encounters, I've even come from it on a few occasions, but there are a few crucial things that need to be taken into account if you're going to be sliding your what-not up my you-know-what.

1. Lube. No, more. No, really, that's not enough. The greasier the better. My favorite (the name escapes me at the moment) is a crisco like thick grease. I coat my boyfriend like he's a baking pan. :) For condom compatible, I'd recommend the silicone based shit, as it doesn't dry out as quickly.

2. Slowly. No, slower. Really. Just sit there for a second and enjoy the squeeze. The first 3 minutes are crucial. If you jerk or shove too early then, you're fucked. Or, rather, not. When she's getting her asshole used to your massive love rod, you gotta be (as much as you can) a stationary object to work her ass down onto. Trust me on this one. You wanna thrust. I know you wanna get up there, but one false shove at the wrong time will send her sphincter into red alert, and you're adding another 5 minutes until it calms down. Trust me.

Your very best bet is to lie on your back and let her get on top and work your dick into her ass at exactly her pace.

Your mileage may vary, but once she's open and comfortable enough to start working up and down your prick at a respectable pace. . . that's the time to flip her over and start with the doggy style. Not all of us are Belladonna, and quite frankly, I don't think I'd want to gape as much as Aurora Snow, but with a little gentleness during the first half of the proceedings, you're greatly increasing your chance of her not only enjoying the anal, but also asking you to put it up the butt in the future.

When my baby smiles at me. . .

Sun, 09 May 2004 01:16:11 GMT

Hugh Jackman screen caps.

Baboon Butts

Sat, 08 May 2004 16:46:19 GMT

I was walking to get some coffee yesterday, enjoying this warm, merciful spring weather when I saw a woman walking ahead of me. She was normal, attractive, nothing terribly special about her. A nice solid 7 and a half. 8, maybe. Business casual. But her heels...

Black heels, just a traditional 3 inch sectetary style pump, but the sole was a deep scarlet. The peek of red was bright enough to be eye catching, especially in contrast with the black and taupe of the rest of her outfit. And I just found this to be the sexiest thing in the world right then. Like she was flashing pink at a strip club. A red flag for any bull who might have turned his head as she passed, to catch a glimpse at her ass.

I'm sure she knows how sexy those shoes are. I want those shoes.