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[15 Jul 2004|12:38am]
10 Dumbest Moments in Sci Fic Movies - Sometimes, being a fan is tough, you know?
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A note to the geniuses [01 Jun 2004|03:42pm]
Well, I've had to make my comments screened because too many people were being, um, clever and using it for comments.

Genius type #1: Posting username/passwords for a paysite I recommend. Yes, genius, that is stealing, not sharing. I don't condone it, and I'm not about to let you rip off the nice people who make all the pretty porn.

Genius type #2: Posting spamalicious links to your paysite, buried in comments on older entries, thinking I won't notice. While I'm flattered that you think I have enough traffic and PR to help your endevour, you can either contact me re: a link trade, or suggest a site that's actually related to this one. 4 attempts to link to a pre-legal Nabokovian site are not only creepy, they're likely to get me in trouble. So don't waste your time. I'm just going to delete those entries.

Re: my phone sex adventures? Not too many of them, lately. I've been busy at my "real" job, and unavailable for the usual erotic creativity. I'll be trying to get back to it later this week.

Plus, it's been way, way too fricking nice outside to consider staying holed up. Must figure out a way to take calls outside. :)
3 comments|post comment

Porn by mail? [25 May 2004|04:51pm]
[ mood | drained ]

You may be wondering how I watch so much porn. Well, if you don't read back over my older, archived entries, you might not wonder. That's because I haven't made any porn commentary in a while. That's because my SugarDVD account is on hold. That, dear friends is because I am broke.

B.
R.
O.
K.
E.

Not sexy, but true. On the sexy side, I got my first ass fucking in almost 2 months last weekend. And wow, yeah. I need to practice that skill a bit. I need to clue you lovely gentlemen about an alarming . . . fantasy I've been noticing on the phone.

Now, while we're in fantasy land, the following is okay. Hell, in the Anal Movies you might find at SugarDVD it's not a problem. But that, dear friends, is because the prep quite a bit behind the scenes, use slick but virtually invisible lube and, did I mention warming up?

The alarming fantasy is that of shoving the cock in immediately.

Oh yeah, baby. I just spread those haunches and you take your (inevitably) massive cock and shove it in to the balls.

I tend to wonder, have ya ever put your cock in a real girl's butt?

Okay, okay, I know, it's fantasy land, and time is at a ($1.69 a minute) premium, but I always wince a bit at the "shove that shit in there" motif.

I'm predisposed to be more open to anal sex. I've done it a number of times, I've had a number of enjoyable encounters, I've even come from it on a few occasions, but there are a few crucial things that need to be taken into account if you're going to be sliding your what-not up my you-know-what.

1. Lube. No, more. No, really, that's not enough. The greasier the better. My favorite (the name escapes me at the moment) is a crisco like thick grease. I coat my boyfriend like he's a baking pan. :) For condom compatible, I'd recommend the silicone based shit, as it doesn't dry out as quickly.

2. Slowly. No, slower. Really. Just sit there for a second and enjoy the squeeze. The first 3 minutes are crucial. If you jerk or shove too early then, you're fucked. Or, rather, not. When she's getting her asshole used to your massive love rod, you gotta be (as much as you can) a stationary object to work her ass down onto. Trust me on this one. You wanna thrust. I know you wanna get up there, but one false shove at the wrong time will send her sphincter into red alert, and you're adding another 5 minutes until it calms down. Trust me.

Your very best bet is to lie on your back and let her get on top and work your dick into her ass at exactly her pace.

Your mileage may vary, but once she's open and comfortable enough to start working up and down your prick at a respectable pace. . . that's the time to flip her over and start with the doggy style. Not all of us are Belladonna, and quite frankly, I don't think I'd want to gape as much as Aurora Snow, but with a little gentleness during the first half of the proceedings, you're greatly increasing your chance of her not only enjoying the anal, but also asking you to put it up the butt in the future.

2 comments|post comment

When my baby smiles at me. . . [08 May 2004|09:18pm]
Hugh Jackman screen caps.
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Baboon Butts [08 May 2004|12:40pm]
I was walking to get some coffee yesterday, enjoying this warm, merciful spring weather when I saw a woman walking ahead of me. She was normal, attractive, nothing terribly special about her. A nice solid 7 and a half. 8, maybe. Business casual. But her heels...

Black heels, just a traditional 3 inch sectetary style pump, but the sole was a deep scarlet. The peek of red was bright enough to be eye catching, especially in contrast with the black and taupe of the rest of her outfit. And I just found this to be the sexiest thing in the world right then. Like she was flashing pink at a strip club. A red flag for any bull who might have turned his head as she passed, to catch a glimpse at her ass.

I'm sure she knows how sexy those shoes are. I want those shoes.
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Rhinestone Jumpsuit Kate Beckensale [06 May 2004|12:06am]
She's pretty fucking hot. Loved her in Underworld, and she's on Letterman at the moment telling an unfortunate story about an exploded appendix. She looks a little generic, and I'm not sure that level of blond highlights is really necessary on her, especially since I loved loved LOVED her hair as a sullen, shrinkwrapped vamp.

Their persistant use of Lycan to describe the lycanthrope (werewolf) guys just kept making me think of scraping a crusty fungal/algae symbiote off the side of a rock with my boot.

Hiking porn. Hmmm. The mind doth wander.

Tomorrow, Thursday, is gonna be a get down to business day. :)

Changes are coming.
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Double fisted, Holmes. [04 May 2004|12:39am]
I was watching the weather channel a few minutes ago when the weather guy, who is one of the white individuals I've seen in recentg memory, was covering the heat wave in LA. Over 100 degrees he says.

"You'll be double fisting water bottles, Holmes." Or is it Homes? He used this sad, old guy version of a wigger accent.

Is that the right way to spell it? Holmes. Homes.

Whatever.

Also? Reno 911 on Comedy Central is some funny shit.
1 comment|post comment

Rumors of my demise [03 May 2004|02:19pm]
Well yes. There's really no way of getting around it. Kaitlyn hasn't updated this journal in 3 months. Bad Kaitlyn. She gets a spanking.

New logo pic on top, new design coming, and more of my sordid tales of my late night debauching of John Stewart on their way. Yummy.
2 comments|post comment

My fitness tribulations have fascinated you, I see... [19 Feb 2004|01:52am]
Well, here. Fine, Go look at some boobies. I found this lovely site on the site of Violet Blue. Sex writer, and girl after my own heart. ;) Both are worth a look, but the boobies.... man oh man. Lots of big, pretty, natural, big boobies. And a few fake ones. Go look at the boobies now. (Like you haven't already. :)
And don't be a schmoe. Vote below on what class I should take. Otherwise I'll turn in to a big, floppy titted lard ass, and no one wants that.

Well, a few of you do, but... I'm trying to avoid that.

And also, I just wanted to let it be known that sometimes, when I watch Law and Order SVU, I find myself recognizing some of the characters I speak with. Until, of course, they kill someone. But... yeah. As much as I love 98% of all the calls I get, being a PSO does put me at a higher risk of talking to some truly disturbed individuals than, say, waitressing.

Well, probably not, but in waitressing, they don't tend to tell me about wanting to stab people while they fuck them, or playing doctor with 12 year olds (because, you know, 8-year-olds, that's just wrong), or about their more. . . twisted fantasies.

Don't get me wrong. I like most twisted fantasies. I don't share every kink that drops on my telecom doorstep (If I did, I probably wouldn't be able to grab a morning paper without coming three or four times). Still, the zeal and fascination that I hear in the voices (along with the simple honest horny-as-fuck vanilla stroke sessions) are a hell of a rush.

But every once in a while someone doesn't observe the superfreak code of etiquitte. What is that code? Well most men with half a brain (and I do believe that the IQ for the average phone sex guy is higher than the IQ of the average guy who chooses, say, Hustler, though that's a debate for another time).... most non-retarded men who have a kink that's odder than, say, cock-sucking are aware that their kink is odd.

That's (probably) half the reason they're calling me. Their girlfriend doesn't know that they like to wear her panties while they jack off, or that they secretly fantasize about Asian transexuals, or that they fixate on hiccups. Now, while panty wearing sissy sluts no longer even tick my kink seismograph. However, if you're smart, you feel someone out. If you have manners, you feel your phone partner out, and most of them do that. Even the ones who like age-play or scat or bestiality or rape.

If they've phrased their request politely, I reply that they should look elsewhere. And with a mild squick, I go on with my day. But there are others who get you on the phone, and start with the fantasy in one direction, but keep edging it towards territory that I've made perfectly clear is off limits. And I let them edge.

Sometimes. I used to, anyway. Less these days. Boundaries are a fuck of a lot easier to snap down once you've passed call 2500 or so. You know? But, still, you come across some disturbed individuals. (duh.) And I don't let them ruin the whole thing any more than the asshole patrons at a restaurant or office. On the contrary, here I can just hang up and block their sick asses. Wish I could have done that a dozen times at my past 3 jobs. Don't you? Don't you wish that you could just hit a "block" button for crappy asshole clients? :)

But I do hate that they can put me off for the next few calls, or at least until I hear from a sweet regular caller. And those, thank god, are far more common than the sick ones. But every once in a while, I see something on Law and Order SVU that echos someone I've spoken with. Never guilt, but I do feel, sometimes, that I've brushed past some darker shit.

Or maybe USA should just stop putting L&O on 24 hour rotation, m'kay? :)

Oh, and speaking of twisted.... Why god, why? Though I do have a thing for Faye Valentine.

5 free minutes on any listing to anyone who identifies her... Mmmm. Boobies.
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Must get out of house. [18 Feb 2004|07:18pm]
I've been pretty busy here at home lately, for both phone sex and personal reasons, but I've promised myself this. I will get out of the house and to the gym tomorrow. :) Gotta keep this ass viewable, after all.

Also, in the pursuit of expanding my social circles outside of you wankers (though I love you wankers dearly), I'm going to take a class. There are several offered.... I want you to pick. Give me your vote in my comments by 8am eastern, Thursday, and I'll give you the debriefing later on that day.

1. Boxing
2. Ballet
3. Pilates
4. Strength
5. Yoga

That's right, you get to pick what I do with my body, and I promise to try to scope out some cuties in the locker room for you. So, click on the comments button and vote!

Also, in more porny news, the chick over at pornblography has delivered a great little behind the scenes report from the set of video. I love that shit. You know I do. And that book that Gauge is reading looks... interesting. Should I avoid?

And in a note to you cam viewers, I'll be switching to full panties for the rest of the week... Wearing this thong for the last two days has been. . . chafing. And we want to be nice to the pussy, don't we? "Nice Kitty." That's right. ;)

Re: SNAFU type stuff, I had back to back cam only shows today, and was chatting with boy 2 for about 3 minutes before I realized I'd accidentally invited boy 1 to rewatch. Oops!
Poor thing. Eventually, however, the boobies did get to their intended destination, and it all came out OK in the end.
5 comments|post comment

Dog dreams [11 Feb 2004|01:18am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Just saw The Triplets of Belleville a few days ago, and the most accurate thing I can say about it is, Wow, was that French. It was reeeeeeeeally french. I enjoyed it, though. Spectacular 2D animation, the kind that I fear will become old fashioned by the time I pop out a few kittens of my own.

My favorite part, aside from the frog chomping bit, was anything and everything to do with the dog. While the whole movie has the look of a beautiful, decrepit dream, the dog's dreams push past surreal into these gorgeous black and white vistas that stay with me. And anyone who has ever shared a home with a dog will recognize more true to life dog body language than I've seen in any other animated dog.

Which may not be saying much, but the point is, if the phrase "Animated French Film" doesn't instantly raise the bad hairs on the back of your neck, give it a chance (if it comes to your town.) At the very least, you're not going to see anything like it this year. And honestly, would you rather be underwhelmed by another piece of Hollywood Schlock, or be a little challenged and see something truly original.

Note to creators, what ever you were smoking when you made this film, may I have some please?

And re: my schedule, I will be available for both cam only, phone, and phone only starting tomorrow (Wed, February 11th) from about 4pm through 2am. I want to get my boyfriend a brazilian for Valentines Day. ;)

Well, he won't get the brazilian, but he will benefit from it.

2 comments|post comment

I love memes, especially . . . [10 Feb 2004|04:33pm]
ones with pastel, 80s ish art. ;)

pkky4eva has a bunch of memes, and I am. . ..

Sexy Secretary
You are every secretary's nightmare


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Jayne Mansfield has big boobies [09 Feb 2004|08:15pm]
I don't know much about here, but I'm watching the A+E biography. :) Looks fun.
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Born for Porn [06 Feb 2004|05:06pm]
Item 1 - I'll be logged on to Niteflirt today Friday from about 4pm-Midnight, eastern time. Cam too. ;) So if you've been wanting to talk with me live or see the fabled boobies, swing by my page, http:// www.niteflirt.com/thephonegirl.

Item 2 - I want your top three mainstream celebrities who you think would have done well, had they chosen porn. Or, that you wish were in porn. And please, don't go the easy route like Pamela Anderson. And give me your reasons...

Mine?

Angelina Jolie - Could have been a great in the same tradition as Belladonna, especially with all the tats and the fierceness. And tell me those lips weren't made for cock sucking.


Busy Phillips - She was briefly on Dawson's Creek, and on the late, great Freaks and Geeks.


Rachel Griffiths - Or maybe she's just a great actress. I just think Brenda from Six Feet Under has an amateur film or two in her past. I'd love to see more.

More to be added as they come to me.
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Vintage Porn Posters [06 Feb 2004|02:53am]
They don't make 'em like they used to. And with all sincerity, I kind of wish they did. At least the covers/posters.
4 comments|post comment

Nada Mucho [06 Feb 2004|02:33am]
Hey there cats and kittens. Sorry about the recent dearth o' postings. Real life, obligations, bla bla blaaaa. To quote another blog (can't remember name at the moment, so if you recognise it, let me know), "If I'd have known there'd be tit I'd have watched the Superbowl."

But seriously, I did happen to catch that bit. And yes,the first words out of my mouth where, "I saw her booby."

"She pulled a Lil' Kim?" asked a friend who hadn't yet seen the tape. Yes, we saw Janet Jackson's right tit. And while I agree that it shouldn't have been in the half time show, and that it wasn't appropriate, it was a tit. Can the lady leave the bad girl corner now? Or should we just have a public spanking to get over it.

Yeahhhhh. Have her get spanked by Justin, then pull a train with the entire N'Sync family. Or maybe I'm just on the phone too much lately.

"Pulling a train." Now there's a phrase (but not a concept) that was introduced to me through the wonderful world of phone sex. Thank you, phone sex.
1 comment|post comment

One blog added, and no Survivor spoilers, yet. [29 Jan 2004|05:50am]
:) Thanks to an anonymous tip, I've discovered another slut's blog. Dirty Whore Diary looks to be interesting.

As for the request for Survivor pics. . . . sadly, I've only watched the last few seasons, and I don't know nearly enough about the characters... But check back w/ me after Sunday when I'll have the opportunity to see them up close, personal and edited to within an inch of their lives. Hmm, definitely need to scare up my Survivor links from last season.
3 comments|post comment

Poo [28 Jan 2004|11:20pm]
It's everywhere, even in latest Savage Love column. But, kids do get creative sometimes.

Aaand in tonight's latenight watch, Christie Whitman is on Daily Show. Hmmm. Don't know if I'm feeling Letterman or Leno. Letterman, probably, unless the guests suck.

The Late Night TV Page at interbridge has a good list o guests, though they all seem to suck.
2 comments|post comment

Uncle Scoopy's 20 top nudes scenes in film, 2003 [28 Jan 2004|03:24pm]
Uncle Scoopy's 20 top nudes scenes in film, 2003



And lo, there were boobies. And it was good.
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Politics and Weather [27 Jan 2004|04:01pm]
The announcer on the radio said, "There are two stories today, the politics and the weather." And while I knew that both were impending for this Tuesday (there's a winter storm warning for tonight and tomorrow, and the New Hampshire primary is today.)

We've got snow, and tomorrow we have some of my favorite increasingly snarky "yes, I'm standing in a snowstorm to tell you it's snowing, and I'm cold Judy, back to you," reports on the news.

The other death/taxes/weather thing happening today is the New Hampshire primary. And maybe it's just because o of my increased time at home w/ CNN in the background, but I actually know who most of the guys are. Hmm. What the hell. Maybe I'll check out whether or not I'm registered to vote and when my state's primary is.

Oh, and will someone, please let me know in the comments whether The DaVinci Code is any good, or at all grounded in reality. Links on reviews greatly appreciated.

Aaaand, on the porn front, I've got my Sugar DVD membership reinstated, and just got my first three new porn in a while. Nacho Vidal's Back 2 Evil, RLD's One on one, and Christoph Clarke's Big Natural Tits 6.
Initial impressions from just a few glances.

I doubt I'll be surprised by One on One. Unless I find a new girl who's caught my interest, I'm expecting the same RLD product. DPs seem like gymnastics routine half the time anyway, so the one guy, one girl thing on this dic might be a nice break. I assume that's the theme. I don't have the box, just the little sleeves that I always spend 10 minutes hunting on send back day and the interchangeable blue sleeves.

Back 2 Evil. Hmm, I've been warned off this one because Nacho's style is supposed to be off putting. The only performances of his I can remember were from an old Barely Legal and a Buttman in Brazil thing. The background w/ him and Belladonna as well as the AVN they got for their scene got me interested enough to rent this one. There are a few others I like in it, including Katja Kassin and Alicia Rhodes, and I like both the film quality and the behind the scenes I flipped through. But, have yet to dive into the stuff itself, and I thought I saw some pretty heavy spitting in the credits. Still, it's not another 5 girls on a couch, and it's got some nice outfits, so let's give it a try.

As for BNT6, the first one was one of my first dvds. It grabbed me in certain ways, but during the last few I've been bored. A scan of this doesn't lead me to believe it'll be different.
4 comments|post comment

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